Friday, 6 March 2015

Essay Draft 1



Because of the increase use of social media amongst the teenagers, there is an increase in cyber bullying cases since explicit and detailed information can be retrieved fairly easily by anyone. Ministry of education should play a part in educating teenagers regarding the dangers of social media as every teenager will receive education at some point of time in their lives.

Over the recent years, there has been a large influx of Cyber bullying cases amongst teenagers and adolescents. As of 2014, Singapore topped the charts for cyber bullying where 58% of youths have been bullied online. This statistics is the second highest in the world, with China ranking first (Ian 2014). Much of these bullying cases take place on online social media such as Facebook, Twitter and ask.fm. Many of the cyber bullies assume that they can get away with cyber bullying as it is done over the internet. They feel that they when they are not directly involve in the crime, they are not considered a criminal Since Singapore is a first world country; internet access is only about a stone throw away for teenagers. That, along with the increasingly use of social media platform amongst teenagers over the recent years have contributed to the high statistics in cyber bullying for Singapore.
To counteract this problem, the government have come to pass a law that states that cyber stalking and cyber bullying is now a chargeable offense and legal, lawful actions can be taken against the cyber bullies. Victims of the cyber bully can now sue for damage compensation and file to the court for personal protection against the cyber bully. This is only effective only to a limited extent as shown by the statistics as of 2014. The number of cyber bullying has not decreased to a favourable range. This is likely due to the victim of the cyber bully being pressured by the bully to keep quiet about it for fear that the bully take a turn for the worst. Another reason could be that the cyber bullies themselves are ignorant about the consequences of the matter due to the fact that they are still teenagers. Even though legal actions can be taken against them, how many of them actually know what “legal actions” are?

At a micro-level, the ministry of education have been organizing talks regarding cyber bullying island wide across all the primary and secondary schools. Police officers, agents from various cyber protection organization have been invited to host the talks are various schools. One possible reason why this solution did not lower the statistics on cyber bullying is that the students who are attending these talks are not taking them seriously. The attendees for the talk are still young and ignorant. Many of them see the talk as a break from school work. The students do not really pay any attention to the speaker; some choose to take a short nap while some spend the time talking to their friends.

To increase the effectiveness of the existing solutions, the internet itself can be used against the bullies. The Ministry of Education should enforce the law on cyber bullying and take a more active approach to sieve out the cyber bullies instead of attempting to deter them from the act of cyber bully. To fight poison with poison, the people from anti-cyber bullying organization can take on the name of potential targets of cyber bullies on the internet to catch the cyber bully. After catching the black sheep, the details of the cyber bully can be handover to the respective school for actions to be taken against the cyber bully. The punishment is up to the discretionary of the school. Repeated offenders or cyber bullies that show no remorse can be called up to the stage in front of the entire school during cyber bully talks or school assembly to share with the entire school why cyber-bullying is not acceptable. This will instil fear onto the cyber bullies and even those who are not caught will think twice before they commit the act of cyber bullying. This solution would solve the problem as the punishment delivered is more psychological than physical. The bullies will be made infamous in school and teenagers would likely wish to avoid that. The victim will also not be pressured to keep quiet about the situation as most is done behind the scenes. The problem of the students not paying attention during assembly or during cyber bully talks can also be solved since it might be the one of their peers giving the talk on cyber bullying instead.

The main problem for the existing solution being least effective is that the main target group are teenagers and adolescents. The way to deliver a punishment to them should be more psychological rather than physical. The feeling of sense of shame is amplified several more times when they are being reprimanded on stage in front of the whole school. However, this method of approach is considered to be quite aggressive. As much as cyber bullying being unacceptable, should teenage cyber bullies be subjected to this of punishment? Is reducing cyber bullying cases in Singapore important enough for the Ministry of Education and the government to execute this approach?

Reference:

Goh, J. (2013, May 22). Cyberbullying among children in Singapore - What can we do about it? The Asian Parent. Retrieved March 2, 2015, from http://sg.theasianparent.com/our-expert-talks-about-cyberbullying-among-children-in-singapore/
Mak Wei, I. (2014, January 22). A teen's-eye view of cyber-bullying. AWARE. Retrieved March 3, 2015, from http://www.aware.org.sg/2014/01/a-teens-eye-view-of-cyber-bullying/
Shanmugam, K. (2014, July 8). Cyber bullying in Singapore: Guide to new online laws -Expat Living Singapore. Expat Living. Retrieved from http://www.expatliving.sg/kids/growing_up/Cyber-bullying-in-Singapore-Guide-to-new-online-laws-53840.ece

 880words

1 comment:

  1. 1.What do you like the best about the ideas in this essay? Be specific. (precise vocabulary, cohesive/linked ideas, clear/easy to follow discussion, convincing, effective reasoning/argument, well-developed ideas, well-supported topic sentences, understandable transitions, etc.)
    Precise and various vocabularies are used and the evaluation of solutions are clear and logical. The whole essay is fluent and understandable as various connectors are used.


    2.Is there a clear, narrowly-focused problem presented in the essay? Is it contextualized in the intro? Is it expressed well in the thesis?
    At the introduction, maybe there can be more background information and also you should state the specific country clearly, which is Singapore you are going to talk about. Your thesis is clear and the problem is narrowly-focused.

    3.How well is the first solution described? How effectively is that solution evaluated?
    The first solution is described detailed and understandable and the evaluation is also very logical. One of the reasons why the laws don’t work well may be the bullies are anonymous and it is hard to track down them...(something like that)

    4.How well is the second solution described? Is it effectively connected to a positive outcome?
    The description of the second solution is also well down.

    5.Are there any ideas in the essay that need further development? Which parts of the essay require further elaboration?
    You suggest that let the cyber-bullies to give talks on why cyber-bullying is not acceptable, however, the audience may still pay little attention on it. Maybe you can think about it more carefully.

    6.Does the writer effectively use outside source material to illustrate the problem and/or the solutions?
    Yes, the references are quit good:)

    7.What is your impression of the flow of the content?
    The content is well connected.

    8.Are there any ideas in the essay that are not clear or that you find confusing?  Underscore/ highlight these.
    Please refer to point 5:)

    9.Are the citations used in this essay appropriate? Are the reporting verbs effectively used? Does the reference list adhere to the APA guidelines?
    The references need to be improved.

    10.Can you give a couple specific suggestions for how the writer could most improve this essay?
    The areas you should pay attention:
    More background information; the impact of cyber-bullying; the improved solutions.

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